4 Simple Ways to Avoid Other People's Drama

My little sister is very much the opposite of me. We both have can-do attitudes most of the time - a witch's confidence knows no bounds. But she has strengths that I do not. She’s blunt where I’m quiet. She sticks up for herself as loudly as she feels is needed (so sometimes, very loudly). Unfortunately, my go-to is more often tolerating whoever the irritating individual is and trying to act as if it doesn’t bother me - but I'm working on that.

Little Sis has a life mantra she says aloud when she feels it’s necessary to remind herself — or anyone else within earshot — that not everyone’s problems need to be a part of her own.

With seven kids, her circus holds more monkeys than mine does. She truly understands what chaos can mean. She learned early on how impossible it was to add other people’s drama to her never-ending to-do list and schedule.

There have been many times I wished I was more like her. Here are four ways I’ve learned how to implement my sister’s mantra into my own life.

1. Stay in Your Own Lane

The quickest way to get sucked into someone else’s drama is to invite it into your life by gossiping, judging, or sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.

Gossip serves no productive purpose for anyone. Judging others behind their backs is an underhanded way to make you feel better about yourself and your circumstances temporarily. But this feeling is fleeting. To truly feel better about yourself, you need to be better and do better.

Insecure people gossip. They belittle, ridicule, and backstab for attention. Confident individuals avoid gossip. They’d much rather spend their energies on more positive things.

Giving your two-cents when it wasn’t asked for is another way to step out of your own lane. And if it’s a friend you’re dealing with, listening is always a better alternative to passing out unwanted advice.

2. Maintain Clear Boundaries

Most of my sister’s seven kids are now young adults and are making their own ways in this world. But just because some of them have moved out, doesn’t mean her circus has fewer monkeys in it. She’s still quick to remind herself — or others — that she and her family come first regardless of where they may physically live.

She guards her time with an iron will, as well as her emotional and mental capacity to care and still function. Consequently, she’s able to take the time for those she loves most — her family and close friends.

The irate woman who cut you off in traffic isn’t worth your time or energy and does not deserve any room in your circus. You have more important things to consider: your family, your friends, and yourself. Don’t allow those outside your circus to monopolize your time.

You don’t always have the option to walk away from drama within your own home. But drama outside your house is a different matter. Not only is it okay to walk away, but in some instances, I’d encourage you to run.

I used to have a friend who could be the sweetest person in the world, but then she started drunk dialing me late in the evenings. She’d repeatedly call me in an inebriated state to complain about her life, her other friends, her job, her spouse, her family, and then plead with me to help her in some way. It would stress me out with worry. When I’d call her a day or two later to check on her, she’d act like I was exaggerating what she’d said to me. It was exhausting and hurtful.

So I stopped taking her late-night calls. I found my anxiety actually subsided. I’m much happier and we’re much better friends with more distance between us and more time apart.

3. Stop Trying to Please Everyone

Being a people-pleaser is not the opposite of being rude. It’s completely possible to be polite and not be a people-pleaser. My sister and I are both very polite people and helpful as well. Our parents raised us to be considerate of others at all times.

Before the age of forty-ish, I thought that meant I needed to put others’ needs before my own. While Little Sis found the balance of helping others outside her circus only after first helping her own circus monkeys.

My compulsive people-pleasing has honestly cost me a small fortune. Several years ago I allowed a friend to move into my home with her two daughters and nine dogs for almost a year. I can honestly say it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. But I learned the difference between helping someone and enabling them because of my crazy decision.

People-pleasing is a bad habit, but one easy enough to break once you realize your happiness is tied to the joy you find in yourself and those you love, not those outside your circus.

4. Choose to be the Ringleader

Our lives are multi-faceted and can change drastically over time or sometimes in an instant. As the Ringleader of my circus, I have the authority to permit any changes in my life to affect my number of monkeys — whether it’s an increase or decrease is up to me.

My sister has taught me that the people and things inside my circus are more important than those outside of it. And no one is allowed to simply walk on in either. I control who gets a ticket to my circus and who doesn’t. And I also have the power to revoke someone’s ticket at any time I choose.

There is a difference between helping others and enabling them. And it doesn’t make me a terrible person if I choose to give preference to those within my circus over those who aren’t. I’m the Ringleader and I get to make those decisions.

It’s my circus, and I get to choose who my monkeys are.

To Summarize

The moment I realized I had a limited number of monkeys to care for and look after, and that my personal circus was much smaller than I’d been treating it, my entire perspective changed.

• Avoid gossip. Don’t speak negatively about others and don’t join any conversations where judging others is the theme. Concern yourself with your own circus full of monkeys and allow other people to take care of theirs.
• Guard yourself against individuals who do not respect your time. You get what you tolerate so don’t put up with someone else’s nonsense.
  
• Put people-pleasing behind you. It is not — and never has been — a useful skill. Every time you put the needs and/or wants of someone outside your circus ahead of one of your monkeys, you are inviting drama and chaos into your life.
  
• Be the Ringleader of your circus who puts her monkeys first. Let others be their own ringleaders and deal with their own circus of monkeys.
  

What are your thoughts? How do you keep extra drama out of your life?

I'd love to hear how you keep your circus contained. Let me know in the comments below.